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One of most common problems in marriage today is anxiety, a condition most couples experience due to unrealistic expectations in marriage. Expectations are ‘strong’ ideologies that something will happen or is likely to happen.
It could be based on past experiences such as accomplishments, failures, goals, beliefs and the emotional state of the mind. As much as expectations can come with important benefits in marriage, they are also the root of many marital conflicts.
Today, the number of men falling into depression is rising greatly, either as a result of their failures to meet their own expectations or the expectations of their wives. Here are a few things you can do to reduce the pressure on your husbands.
Meet your expectations
When you remove expectations from your marriage, you become more mindful and you are able to secure the benefits of living in the present rather than the past. The expectations that often weigh your husband down may be caused by his desire to satisfy your needs, especially if you find it difficult to compromise. Unfortunately, your demands will continue to breed insecurity in your marriage but when you stop expecting him to meet your expectations, he will feel more comfortable and vulnerable with you also.
Read your mind
One of the most common complaints from many women in marriage today is not getting help from their husbands at home. Unfortunately the problem is not as complex as it seems if you communicate as a couple. Bear in mind that your husband is not a mind reader and cannot understand what you want unless you tell him. Do not assume that your husband should know that you need help, be specific about your needs. It only takes a few words to make the difference rather than expecting him to figure things out for himself.
Honour your time
Some women have a very unpleasant habit of using their own time for their husbands so that things can get done quickly and in their own time too. As ambitious as that may sound, it can send the wrong signal, making your husband feel incompetent while you continue to play his role and yours together. Stop expecting your husband to do things using your own time alone, be considerate and learn to wait for his directives too.
Change for you
Marriage takes a great amount of patience and endurance, especially when you marry a man who has completely different values from yours and you start to wish that you could change him. Unfortunately, when two different habits and personalities cohabit, it exposes the good, the bad and the ugly sides of each person.
Trying to change your husband is as difficult as trying to change yourself. It is a process that is not impossible but may be difficult to achieve. When you stop expecting your husband to change, you will begin to focus on the positives rather than the negatives.
Give complete love
Although marriage comes with the vows of unconditional love; in reality today, many couples find it difficult to enjoy this kind of love. Every woman wants to feel loved by her husband, however, your husband may find it difficult to feel love himself, especially if he has a different understanding of loved from his childhood.
Elizabeth Badejo; [email protected]